The Mistake of a Lifetime
by adzara
Summary: One mistake. Two boys. Five years. A lifetime of regret. A high school relationship was never supposed to be this deep. 5 years later, Naruto's still reeling from the explosive breakup. Sasunaru AU.
1. Here Comes The Regret

_One mistake. Two boys. Five years. A lifetime of regret. A high school relationship was never supposed to be this deep. 5 years later, Naruto's still reeling from the explosive breakup._ _Sasunaru AU._

 _This is a story I felt I needed to get out. Possible triggers, mentions of noncon and emotional instability._

* * *

 _I'm never drinking again. My 21st birthday is going to suck._

That was Uzumaki Naruto's first thought as he woke up. He felt like he was still drunk, which he likely was considering he hadn't stopped pounding back drinks until well past 4 in the morning before he'd and it was… according to the clock on the wall, not even noon. He felt terribly nauseous but wasn't hungry at all. Little tidbits of the night before came back to him. At that moment, he hated the soccer team and their stupid parties and fucking Kiba for sneaking in all the drinks.

Speaking of… where was his sober companion? Unable to find his phone, Naruto rolled his way out of the bed before whimpering rather pathetically. "What the hell?"

His ass hurt like hell. Like, he'd definitely gotten fucked raw last night type of hell. And he regretted trying to stand because he instantly felt the sticky goo trying to leave his backside. He nearly collapsed at the sudden burning pain. He was quite naked in fact, and he knew all too well what he'd done.

Yet he wasn't concerned. Annoyed, but not concerned. "Dammit Sasuke, really?" He whined. Not only did he not remember it, but his bastard boyfriend had really done a number on him. Usually, Sasuke was careful about the prep work and protection. To think they'd done it in someone else's bed and that hardcore. He would be laughing if it didn't hurt so damn much. And his back! Oh god, his back.

Still not terribly clear-headed he wiped himself best he could on the sheets, ignoring the small tint of red, and was able to find his clothes. Or, what was left of them. His boxers and pants were fine but his beautiful orange shirt was nearly torn down the middle! "What the hell," he blinked. Okay, Sasuke was definitely drunk to pull that kind of shit. It explained the sore spot he felt on his shoulder. Damn, he was going to have a bruise.

After donning the shirt despite its deformity, Naruto stumbled out to find his boyfriend. He knew Sasuke wouldn't have left the party without him even if he was a bit of a bastard. He stumbled past a wasted Kiba in the hallway and nearly tripped over Sai's leg who was dozed off on the couch. As he kept moving he only saw a couple other people but some of them were far older, college-aged, and he didn't recognize any of them. Shrugging off the newcomers he eventually found a bathroom and managed to clean himself up a little. God, his throat was sore. Even his mouth tasted like-

He'd leave it there. Not glancing in the mirror he rubbed a sore spot on his jaw absentmindedly and made his way towards the back. The house was fucking huge, and it took five bedrooms before he finally found Sasuke.

He was beautiful. Just his torso was peeking out above dark blue sheets. Ivory skin, dark hair, perfect lips. A modern-day Snow White. His body was lithe and perfect and Naruto instantly lit up with a smile. "Wake up Teme! Why the hell did you-"

He stopped talking. Something stopped him from talking. At the same moment, Sasuke started to stir to his hyperactive voice so did something else in the bed. Naruto's eyes widened as another lump uncovered themselves from the sheets.

"S-Sakura-chan?" Naruto blurted out. "What the hell?"

A loud 'eeep' went through the room as Sakura quickly tried to cover her bare torso. Not that it meant much, Naruto was gay as they came. No, he was more interested in why she was in bed with HIS boyfriend than what her tits looked like (they looked good, he'd reflect objectively at another date).

But Naruto was, if nothing else, loyal and trusting. He took a deep breath and marched over to the side of the bed, hands on his hips in frustration. "Sasuke, explain."

Sasuke was staring up through slightly tired eyes that were slowly clearing. He sat right and ran a hand through his hair, sweeping back some of those sexy- no. Nope. Naruto was too upset to think about how hot his boyfriend was. "Hn."

"No, you don't get to one-syllable your way out of this. Sakura, what happened?"

Sakura glanced nervously between the two of them. "It- It isn't what it looks like-"

"Well, it looks an awful lot like Sasuke left me last night to go for a round with a girl," Naruto gave her sharp glare before turning to an impassive Sasuke. "So Mr. unemotional, wanna tell me what happened?"

"I slept with her." Sasuke stared him down evenly. And though Naruto was the one that should be pissed Sasuke looked more annoyed. No, there was something in his eyes that Naruto wanted to pretend he didn't see.

Naruto wouldn't believe it. "Very funny," Naruto said in a voice that said it was clearly not. "What happened? You stumble into the wrong bed? How much did you drink?"

"Not enough to not know better" Sasuke narrowed his eyes.

Now Naruto should, logically, be getting upset; should be screaming 'cheater' and all that. But after dating for 3 years, literally, since their first day of high school, Naruto was not willing to believe his boyfriend would cheat on him. They were in their final year, they had already passed the exams to K university together starting in spring. So Naruto tried again. "Sasuke… what's going on? Sakura?" He glanced at Sakura.

Her wide green eyes were brimming with tears. "Naruto I would never-"

"Shut up," Sasuke growled at her. "Yes, I slept with her Naruto. You know I can go for girls as well, I'm not completely inept like you."

Naruto's head started to pound, and it had nothing to do with his hangover. He had a good young liver and a little nausea was all he was getting from that. No, instead he felt like he was having an aneurysm.

Sasuke was taking advantage of his stupor and climbing out of bed in just his boxers. "And you know what Naruto? It was great. Much better than your loose ass. And she didn't make all those annoying noises. God, you sound disgusting in bed, did I ever tell you that? You moan like some chick it's disgusting!"

Naruto was shellshocked, and apparently so was Sakura as she stared, trapped by her own nudity as she was caught in the middle of some lovers spat.

Despite the stabs to the heart Naruto licked his lips and tried to find his voice. "S-Sasuke are you drunk? I-"

"Made me think about why I even put up with your annoying ass. Why the hell was I dating someone like you? Annoying, loud mouth, fat, god those scars on your cheek disgust me. Having sex with you was the worst. I'd have to imagine-"

Sasuke never got to finish his sentence. He was flat on the ground clutching his cheek and staring up at Naruto. Naruto was fuming. "What the fuck. Three years? Three fucking years and suddenly you decide you want to break up like this? What the hell. I can't believe I-"

"Don't act like you're not the one who-"

Ignoring everything Sasuke was trying to say Naruto continued. "Gave you my fucking virginity, three years of my life, and my dream school for you! You know what fine. Fuck you Sasuke. I hope you find someone you actually like next time, so you don't put up with them for three years. Sorry for being so disgusting." And with that, he stomped out. He ignored the cries from Sakura to stop.

No phone, no wallet, no shoes. Naruto decided to fuck all and took out of the house without any of it. He'd ask Kiba later. For now, he just needed to get home. To the hellhole he called home and the lump of stuffing he called a bed.

He was halfway down the road when a silver BMW pulled up. "Naruto!" Sakura called from the rolled down window. "Naruto please stop."

"What? So you can brag about fucking my- my ex-boyfriend?!" He spat. And regretted it instantly from the hurt look on her face.

"Naruto, please. Get in. Your house is 20 miles away. Let me drive you."

Reluctantly realizing his choices were slim he agreed and climbed into the passenger seat. Sakura sent him a look. "Naruto about last night. I really don't remember anything. But I don't feel… I- I know I never would have betrayed you two like that. I gave up to you three years ago, remember?"

Naruto tried a smile but failed. He did remember. Back when Naruto was just discovering his new sexuality Sasuke caught his eye. He'd gone after the boy with no constraints to society's norms and somehow convinced the school god to be with him. And Sakura, his best friend since middle school, had fully switched to supporting him. The same way he would have done if she was with him.

"I- I know Sakura. But it still hurts. I can't believe you- no, it's his fault. He took advantage of you. And I… I want to forgive you. I will. Just… not yet."

Sakura placed a hand on his as they started to drive down the road. "You're a much better person than I am Naruto. I have no idea what came over Sasuke. Did you two fight?"

Naruto shook his head. "That's the thing. We were great yesterday. Better than great. We were talking about renting an apartment closer to the university- you know how bad I want to get out of the slums. I even have a few printouts at home of places. Yesterday was so normal and then he said all that…"

"I think he was just saying it to be mean. You know you're the most desirable male in high school, don't you? You won king last year in case you forgot," Sakura teased. Slowly she started to get more pumped up. "Half the school population thinks you're the one that turned Sasuke gay. Tan, sunshine hair, sky eyes, fit. I have no idea where he got fat from. Those whiskers are hot as hell Chanara!"

Normally the complements would be sending Naruto's eager soaring. But the person whose opinion mattered most…

"Maybe he was just drunk Sakura. Maybe tomorrow he'll text me… he'll text me and… um... I-" his voice broke. But he wouldn't cry in front of Sakura.

Sakura fixed him with a look. "I want you to think about it Naruto. Even if he does apologize, would you take him back after all that? And your face..." She trailed off, looking sorry. "Was that him?"

Ignoring her last question and focusing on the first, Naruto realized he would. Because no matter what Sasuke put him through, no matter how sour the relationship, Naruto was completely dependant on his lover. His ex-lover.


	2. Chapter 2

_Chapter two: The stages of grief._

 _Drop a review and let me know what you think so far._

* * *

Naruto collapsed into his 'bed' when Sakura dropped him off. The mattress sank to the left and was so lumpy. A spring was stabbing him in the side. But it had been free and that was what mattered. For someone living on their own off handouts, he couldn't ask for too much. And he spent 6 nights a week at Sasuke's place where his brother welcomed him openly.

Despite the crappy bed Naruto woke up not feeling much better. Thirsty as hell, he made it slowly to the bathroom. Slowly because his ass was still on fire. He brushed the disgusting taste from his mouth and glanced for the first time in the mirror. His breath caught.

He hadn't thought much of his soreness because he was sore all over, but when he finally took a survey his stomach did a flip. He looked terrible. He had deep bruising on his jaw like he'd been punched, slowly forming. It probably hadn't even been there when Sakura was giving him a ride home. On his neck was a harsh bite mark.

Feeling like he shouldn't, but doing so anyhow, Naruto stopped and looked further down his body. Everything was damaged. Bruises on his ribs, deep angry red handprints on his thighs, even forming marks on his throat. And judging by the amount of semen that was starting to pool out of him he knew that he hadn't been put through just one round. It was like he'd been fucked with the intent to hurt. Nothing like Sasuke normally did.

He even checked his throat, to find it as red as he felt. Pressing his head against the mirror he couldn't help but laugh. A laugh that was transitioning him from denial to anger. He was pissed. He had originally been planning on trying to talk things out with Sasuke but it was so apparent now that Sasuke meant everything he'd said. Nobody held their lover this way. Naruto was tough, he could take a lot and he healed fast, but this was too much even for him.

Fuck Sasuke.

If he wanted to pretend three years of happiness and love never happened then so be it. Naruto would fucking play along. He punched the mirror.

He wouldn't forgive this.

Naruto's anger simmered down but was ever present the next week in high school. He had a lot of glances and questions about things. Everyone already knew about Sasuke's breakup with him and that opened up a door for a lot of students to get the king's attention. But Naruto was nowhere near over Sasuke.

The other question was about his bruises. They noticed his jaw and neck and wondered who had been able to kick his ass like that. Naruto refused to tell them, he wouldn't be victimized, and would laugh and say, "You should have seen the other guy."

Apparently, Sasuke could feel remorse. Becuase once after gym just three days post-breakup, when Naruto was stepping out of the shower Sasuke stared at the bruises. They looked a lot worse than they were, entering that ugly purple/green phase. "Naruto… your body, those bruises-"

"Fuck off."

And that was the last contact they had.

Eventually, anger simmered away. It took three months and their graduation to make it dissipate. That was when Naruto realized he wasn't getting Sasuke back.

Then came the third stage. Bargaining.

Naruto went a little insane. He'd switched schools to his original first choice. A school of the arts, made for artists, singers, musicians, that sort of thing. Something that would provide him with the resources to explore sculpting. It was something he'd taken a liking to since he was 10 but he never dreamed of making a living from it. Without sasuke, he felt like there was nothing to lose.

He would never have fit in at the law school Sasuke was going to, he'd only ever agreed because it was the love of his life and he didn't want to be separated. He'd been willing to give up his dream for Sasuke.

But maybe it wasn't enough. Naruto started to pick apart every word Sasuke said and despite being preached to the contrary by literally everyone else. So he watched his mouth. That's right, Naruto loudmouth Uzumaki was watching what he was saying. Which meant he kind of stopped talking. It was the only way he knew to not be annoying.

Talking wasn't the only thing he stopped doing. He also stopped eating. Because just in case Sasuke came back he wanted to show him he could be different. That he was losing weight and becoming attractive again. He even started to revisit their old hangout places in case they ran into each other by pure coincidence. Maybe if Sasuke just saw that he was trying to change-

But he couldn't do anything about the scars on his cheeks. Sasuke knew that was a sensitive subject for him. He'd started to accept the deformity after Sasuke had originally assured him they were hot as hell, but he'd been lying. Of course, he had…

Months passed like that, and soon he was going into his second year of university. He was debuting as a sculptor. Dark and gritty works that had him out of school and all over the country for exhibits. Then the world. It happened so fast and it was such a good distraction.

A distraction from the depression that held his hand until his graduation. That he could mold almost tangibly into his sculptures. Suddenly he was 23 and had everything he ever wanted. Money, fame, popularity, a cult following that loved him. They called him the Kyuubi. The ten tailed demon. They called him Jinchuriki, for the human sacrifice he seemed to pour into each sculpture.

He had everything he wanted.

But he wasn't happy.

* * *

Beep Beep Beep Beep.

 _"Good morning Tokyo! This is your 8:00 wake up call coming at you live from tower 109. It's_ Saturday _, November 25th, 2017. Let's start out with the new hit single from Akatsuki to wash away the morning blues-"_

Naruto slammed the off button with a groan. While he didn't have anywhere to be early he had a strict schedule. Up at 8:00. Because he wasn't the lazy slob he used to be, changed for reasons he could no longer admit without burning cheeks.

But today was an important one. He was moving to a new apartment in Minato, closer to his studio. He waded through an empty apartment, everything already packed up and hauled off by movers, and got a bottle of water out of his fridge. 'Breakfast'.

God, he was tired despite just waking up. He flipped through a stack of mail he'd neglected on the counter as he sipped the refreshing liquid. "Fanmail, fanmail, credit card, garbage, garbage, fan mail." He sorted the envelopes. He put the fan mail in the keep file and the junk mail in one to be disposed of. When he came to one with a stamp from his old high school he raised an eyebrow.

"A 5 year Reunion?" he flipped it over curiously. Wow, it had already been 5 years. 5 years since graduation and since he- since he'd dated anyone. It would be fun. He was popular enough and Sasuke was too antisocial to attend those sorts of things. It would be cool to reconnect with old friends.

With that decided and December the 16th marked a 'do-not-book' date, he got ready for the day. He was just grabbing his keys off the counter when someone knocked at the door. Curiously Naruto checked the camera before opening it with a grin. "Hey, guys!"

Neji, a senpai he'd met at university who came from a long line of potters and Sai, his calligraphy master of a friend he'd had since high school, stood with passive looks in the doorway. "Are you all packed up? We figured we'd come with you and help you unpack."

"We thought you might need help finding your new place in such an expensive complex. We were wondering if your brain was as lacking as your dick."

Naruto felt his eyebrow twitch at Sais' comment. How many times had he punched the lights out of that guy? He just didn't learn. "Good to see you guys too," he grumbled, rubbing the back of his head. "I guess I could use the help."

They started walking down to the car and Neji put a hand on his shoulder. "Sai told me about a school reunion of yours?"

Naruto raised an inquisitive eyebrow. "Yeah. there's a lot of people I miss."

"And someone you don't," Neji challenged. "I'm only saying this because I'm concerned. That guy from before, he really fucked you up. I mean," he motioned to Naruto's body but the blond didn't understand.

"That guy wouldn't go. He's too busy living a lawyer's wet dream right now-"

"-Naruto are you following up on him?"

Looking affronted Naruto busied himself with climbing into his Lexus. "W-what? I just saw it in the paper is all."

"Since when do you read the paper."

"Since it became your business apparently," Naruto fixed a glare, signaling the end of the conversation.

The truth was he did keep track of Sasuke. Short of looking up his address and stalking him, Naruto knew everything. He knew Sasuke had graduated top of his class. He knew he was living in Tokyo. Which was why Naruto had refused to relocate to New York when asked.

And he knew Sasuke was seeing other people. Many other people. He had accepted he'd never get a chance with Sasuke again. But he still refused to completely forget about him. He was his first love, and those were hard for everyone. Naruto took it harder because he'd grown up so long without love when someone finally returned it he held on too tight. And nothing could fill that gap.

Today, though, would be a good day. They pulled up to the beautiful Toranomon hills. It had a hotel, restaurant, spa, gym, pool, literally everything he'd need in one building. And his apartment was one of two on the 46th floor. A spa took up half of the floor but there was still plenty of room for the spacious apartments. Naruto was going from living in a 1LDK to nearly a penthouse. It was a splurge but one he could afford at his young age. He didn't know why he was moving into something so above his class. Or, what he still felt his class was.

Maybe he just wanted to be more like him.

The elevator ride was short. The boys stepped inside and put down the bags they were carrying, full of the last little bit of Naruto's stuff. Glad to have hired an interior designer to cut out all the decorating crap, Naruto stepped inside and whistled.

The other boys did their own quiet sweep of the impressive entrance. Even Sai was speechless.

"You sure this is the right place?" Naruto asked, hesitant. "Neji?"

Neji nodded. "Yes, I told you I would pick out the best place with your budget. Though now that it is decorated it brings a new appeal."

Yes, It was going to be a good day.


	3. Chapter 3

It was a shit day.

Naruto sat in the foyer, back to the door and eyes wide. Breathe in, breathe out. Breath in, Breath out. That was what kept him from suffocating as he hyperventilated, a hand covering his mouth to try and stiffen the gasps in case he was still outside.

This wasn't supposed to have happened. He was supposed to have kept his cool. He was supposed to have changed. He felt so disgusted with himself that he suddenly bolted to the sink and emptied his stomach contents: water. Have you ever thrown up water? It's like diluted bitter bile. And it wouldn't stop. His stomach kept convulsing, straining to purge more but there was nothing more to give.

Back up 15 minutes and you'd find out why.

Naruto was stepping out of his apartment complex with a sharpy to update the nameplate next to his house. He'd get an official plate later but for now, some paper slipped inside would have to do. He started nearly writing his name in both English and then adding the characters below. He'd likely be getting quite a few international visitors.

He'd just finished the last character, pen cap in his mouth and sharpie between his fingers when the door to his only neighbor's apartment opened. Wanting to make a good impression Naruto turned sharply and reached to take the pen cap out of his mouth.

He dropped it instead, suddenly fumbling to catch it and only losing the sharpie as well. It left a stark dot on his orange shirt before clattering to the ground and rolling towards the stranger's feet.

No, not a stranger.

Because in what universe had Naruto fucked up this badly? Who did he kill in a past life? Standing in front of him, with the same unimpressed eyes, slightly longer black hair, and milky skin, was Sasuke Uchiha.

Naruto had dreamed about this. About running into his old lover. What he'd say and do to show he'd matured. Entire speeches that he'd rehearsed in the shower. He'd done his best to be someone Sasuke would want. He'd developed a filter, lost weight, took better care of his daily routine. Hell, he even was looking into a way to get his scars removed medically. But all he could do was stare with a wide mouth.

"Uzumaki?" There was disbelief in Sasuke's voice.

Naruto just nodded dumbly, all practiced speeches out of his mind. The only thing he could think of was Sasuke. Sasuke was in front of him. Still as fine as hell. Still making his heart thump. Still-

"What are you doing here?"

There went the cold water. Naruto cleared his throat, bending over to pick up the pen cap but not getting any closer to Sasuke. He needed the time to adjust. Uzumaki? Sasuke never called him so formally. He was always Dobe, or Naruto, or even Naru-chan when they were-

Naruto swallowed thickly. "S-Sasuke? Uh, what a surprise?"

Sasuke nodded. His eyes trailed Naruto's body once, his eyes completely impassive. "... Are you visiting someone?"

Naruto went stupid. "Uh...:"

Sasuke sighed. "Whatever, I don't care. Just try not to stalk me because you know where I live."

Of all the greetings, Naruto hadn't expected that. He could understand al little curtness. Sasuke was repulsed by him after all. Sasuke so clearly hated him. But he didn't expect hostility after 5 years. "I- I- I-" Naruto opened and closed his mouth like a fish.

He was losing it. He was completely shutting down. The old Naruto would have yelled back, cursed the Teme for being such a dick, but this Naruto just drew in. "I, um, live here." he almost whispered. "I- I didn't know- um-"

He couldn't. The world was actually spinning Sasuke was staring at him and he had his eyes on the ground. His thin shoulders started to shake and his hands clenched the sides of his pants. Why did he feel so pathetic under that gaze? Naruto wet his lips.

Sasuke sighed, "I didn't-"

"Sorry, um, It was... I mean I… Uh you, um, er… bye." His brain was gone. Unable to think of anything else to do Naruto quickly slipped back into the room. He didn't need the sharpy that bad.

And thus led him to his current pathetic position bent over the sink and spilling his guts.

He probably would have been like that for a while yet if his phone hadn't started to jingle, one of Akatsuki's hit singles filling the room. Naruto reached for it, hitting the answer button.

"Hello," his voice was coarse.

 _"Naruto! I heard you got a new place!"_ Came the unmistakable cheery voice of his bubblegum pink friend. A voice that could, to this day and despite everything, cheer him up. " _Please please please can I come over? I'll bring some friends! We need to properly break it in!_ "

There were a few options, he realized as he splashed his face with cold water and told Sakura to hand on. He could stay home alone and wallow in self-pity, knowing the very person that had ruined him was next door, or he could have fun.

He opted for the later. "Yeah, buy some good stuff, I'll reimburse you," he said.

At 8:00 PM on the dot Sakura showed up. She wasn't alone and her hands weren't empty. Bags of snacks a doctor such as herself should not be advising and her mates had brought ample packs of beer and liquor. Naruto flashed a smile. A much tamer one than he used to back in the day. "Hey! Welcome guys, come on in."

"What a place!" Sakura stared doll-eyed at the apartment. "If you need a roommate…"

Naruto smiled, glad she liked it. "You gonna introduce me?"

"Oh!" Sakura turned around, motioning to the three friends she'd brought. She motioned to a pretty blonde girl who must have been mixed. "This is Ino. She's a nurse at the hospital with me. Do you remember her from high school?"

Naruto fixed her with a smile. It was always nice to find another blond in Japan and hard to forget. "Shikamaru's girlfriend?"

"Ex," She corrected quickly.

Sakura motioned to one of the boys next to her, "Utakata, he's in surgery, great with his hands," She winked.

Utakata smiled gently, holding out his hand. Naruto dumbly shook the handsome man's hand. "Call me Naruto."

"Utakata."

And then Sakura introduced the last member of her squad. A redhead with bags under his eyes but a gentle enough expression. "This is Gaara. He's an internalist. Youngest in his field, aren't you?"

"Hn."

Great, another one syllable type. Naruto shook his hand anyhow. Strangers, we're probably best right now. He didn't feel much like having to deal with people he knew, not with the recent drama next door.

Sakura was quick to pick up that there was something wrong with Naruto that night but she'd long stopped criticizing him. She understood that he took longer than most to go through the stages of grief and her guilt was still stopping her from completely counseling him. He'd forgiven her, but she had never quite forgiven herself. Even if she had no memory at all of what happened that night with Sasuke, she'd still had a hand in turning her best friend into… a shell.

Naruto ignored her stare and broke out the booze. Sakura was trying to tempt him with booze but he held firm! He needed to be not-fat in case Sasuke…. In case he saw him again.

They were sitting around a table, playing a killer game of cards against humanity when it hit him. And by it, he meant the booze and the fact that Sasuke was next door.

"He's next door," He mumbled into his cup. Alcohol loosening his lips.

"Hm?" Ino asked. "Whatcha talkin bout?"

"Sasuke!" Naruto whined. "He's my neighbor."

Sakura froze mid-pick of a card. "Naruto. Are you serious?"

He nodded sadly.

"You mean to tell me you moved in next door to Sasuke. _That_ Sasuke, without realizing it? And you tell me this now?"

"Didn' want ya to be mad a' me," Naruto mumbled.

Sakura leaned over to him, hand on his shoulder. "Naru, I would never be mad about that. I'm mad at him. Did you see him?"

Naruto nodded. "Dun wanna talk 'bout it. Sucks. He's- He's the worst!"

"He is," Sakura nodded her head enthusiastically.

"Who's this," Utakata asked. Ino nodded eagerly and Gaara was staring at his cards, but his eyes kept wandering over.

"Stupid stupid ex-boyfriend!" Naruto yelled suddenly. Well, that drew attention. It wasn't every day someone so loudly proclaimed they were gay in Japan. Naruto tossed back another shot of patron. He was pointing angrily at the wall. "He accused me of stalkin' him! Can ya believe it? No word for 5 years and he- I ain't even slept with anyone since that night Sakura-chan! Just in case. 5 fucking years. And that night wasn't exactly pleasant. Do ya know what he did?"

"Naruto, maybe we should-"

"He fucked me and I ain't even remember it! That night, he went raw. Nearly choked me. And then he- he gone and climbed into bed with- no- he went and took advantage of y-"

"Naruto!" Sakura gasped. "Those marks were from _him_? No. No, stop. You're going to regret this in the morning."

"I'm finding it quite interesting," Ino admitted, drinking up the gossip. Utakata was also staring with his mouth slightly open.

Naruto groaned loudly, suddenly standing up and committing the foul of spilling a can of beer across the cards. Ino and Utakata quickly tried to salvage it while Sakura cursed at her now drenched lap. Naruto stumbled away without a care. "That's it! Ima- Ima go to a gay bar Sakura! Ima gonna do what I shoulda done 5 years ago! If he don't care then- then neither do I!"

Even drunk, Naruto knew the truth. He knew he never felt the desire to sleep with anyone but Sasuke. He started to stumble through the front door. Jacket be damned.

"Naruto- jeesh- just wait," Sakura called through the open door as she tried to balance between a soaking red shirt and going after Naruto. Luckily Utakata took action and ran down the hallway after the blonde idiot.

"Ya can't stop me," Naruto panted. But he wound up leaning against Utakata with a firm glare at the door in front of him. "Ima go to a bar, Dattebayo! Ya can't stop me, Uta. Gonna get-"

At that moment the neighboring door yanked open and a very unhappy Sasuke stepped out. "Do you know what time it is to be yelling in the hallway?"

Both boys went dead quiet. Utakata glanced at Sasuke and Naruto, Noticing the later was looking considerably weaker and slipped an arm around Naruto's waist to support him. The blond clung on greedily for the help. "Uta…" he mumbled. And through narrowed eyes, he spotted Sasuke.

"This is em, the asshole I talked about," he accused. Though he was slurred his words were understandable.

"What the hell are you going on about Dobe? It's eleven at night. Wrap up the party or I'm going to make a complaint."

"Fuck you asshole, ya- ya- ya can't even- yer dumb!" Yeah, real smooth drunk Naruto. Even Utakata winced, before chuckling a little.

"Come on Naruto, let's get you back inside." He turned them slowly around despite naruto protesting, still convinced he was going to make it to a gay bar. Utakata glanced back. "I would say sorry, but I don't apologize to abusive cunts."

Leaving a very stupified Sasuke standing in the hallway, completely unsure about what Utakata could be talking about.


	4. Chapter 4

_AN:_

 _Small trickles of the truth in this chapter._

 _I'd like to thank the anonymous reviewer guest, whose claims I can neither confirm nor deny at this point._

 _As much as I would love to make a new love to add drama, it won't happen anytime soon. As Guest said, what Naruto needs at this point is_ help _. And I'll be diving more into that in the next few chapters._

 _Please leave your comments in a review, I do take them into consideration._

* * *

Naruto was put to sleep not long after his encounter with Sasuke. He woke up in an empty apartment the next morning. He blinked, taking a minute to gather his bearings before noticing a bottle of water and a note next to his bed.

 _Naruto,_

 _We left in the morning and did not want to wake you. Thank you for having us over. If you ever want to talk, you can call me._

 _-Utakata._

Naruto stared at the note. He'd be damned, he managed to come out of that with a friend. He honestly didn't think any of them would want to see him again. Naruto chuckled, then winced, and decided a few more hours of sleep would do his head good. After he drank the water of course.

The second time around he felt amazingly better. Enough to regret the encounter with Sasuke, yes, but he no longer felt as bad. He rolled onto his side and was tempted to just sleep a little more. But he had pottery class at one to teach and then he had an interview at 5.

Groaning he managed to get himself out of bed just as the phone rang. "Kakashi!" Naruto chirped into the earpiece.

 _"Naruto, hey. Just calling to remind you of that interview."_

"Wow Kakashi-sensei, you put down the porn long enough to actually check my schedule?" Naruto teased. Yes, Kakashi was an amazing manager, but he was also kind of shitty in the time department.

A hum was his answer. _"I'm offended. Just because sometimes I-"_

"Excuses for later. I'll meet you there at 4:50?"

 _"Done."_

He hung up the call and retreated to his shower. Hed just got thoroughly cleaned and dressed when the door rang. Without checking the camera he opened it, still towel drying his hair.

He really wished he hadn't. A hand was placed on his chest and he was shoved backward. Caught off guard he tripped backward. He no longer had the same coordination as before and his muscle had been replaced with bone. The resulting hit on his tailbone was quite painful. "W-what the hell teme," he snarled back, using a nickname that had once been laced with adoration.

"That's my line." A fuming Sasuke stepped inside, slamming the door behind him. "I should have you sued for slander."

Now Naruto was beyond confused. "What the fuck? You can't just barge in and start yelling nonsense."

"Nonsense? Am I the one spewing nonsense? What are you telling your friends Uzumaki?"

Naruto looked unsure. "I told them we dated? Look I was drunk, I'm not trying-"

"Not that. Ugh, I don't even want to think about that. I'm talking about the other part. Are you telling them I _abused_ you? That's low, even for you."

Now it was Naruto's turn to blink like an idiot. "Huh?"

"That guy last night, he accused me of being abusive. I put up with a lot of shit from you Naruto, but the only time I hit you, you were punching back just as hard. Don't you dare play the victim card Naruto, It's pathetic." Sasuke was livid. Naruto had never seen him looking so hurt and upset. Not even the night they broke up. Or, the night Naruto was dumped like a steaming sack of-

"I didn't!" Naruto demanded. He swallowed, putting his forehead in his hand and trying to think. He was still on the floor. Then it snapped. "Oh no."

"Remember now, asshole," Sasuke glared. "I trust you'll tell them you were lying."

Why did he have to deal with this now? Couldn't he wait for nausea in his stomach to calm down first? Of course not. Fate just loved fucking him. "I- fuck. I told them about the- that time- the last time we… you know."

"The last time we had sex?" Sasuke frowned. "What are you talking about. That was normal."

Gaping again, Naruto slowly picked himself up, rubbing his backside and adjusting his shirt so it wasn't slipping off his shoulder as much. "Normal? You call that normal?"

"What are you going on about?"

"What the hell was normal about that?" Naruto accused at the same time, voice growing louder. "Do you know how much pain I was in the next day? God, I hope you switched to women because you can't do that shit with a man," he stressed.

Sasuke leaned back against the wall, crossing his arms. "I didn't-"

"Oh don't lie. I may have been too faded to remember it but you don't get torn like that without- ugh, I don't want to talk about this. I didn't mean to blab, I was drunk, I'll tell them that we were both just too drunk to know better and-"

Sasuke had stepped off the wall, a hand reaching out to grab Naruto's shoulder and to stop his talking since he wasn't paying attention to Sasuke's attempts to interrupt. Naruto tensed under the touch, looking into Sasuke's eyes and losing the train of thought he had. God, he missed those eyes.

Sasuke cleared his throat. "What night are you talking about?" His eyes kept flickering across Naruto's face as if searching for something.

"Heh, I guess it's been 5 years, I should forget too," Naruto sighed, defeated. So he was the only one still hung up on this. He gently prodded Sasuke's hand off his shoulder. "I guess it was just a new side of you…"

The tension in the air was too thick. Naruto tried to lessen it a little, a weak smile on his face as he obviously tried to joke. "But heads up, please don't drink with your partners like that. It felt like I'd been plowed by three men, not just one."

Sasuke stepped back all too quickly. A reaction that had even Naruto hesitant. Sighing again, he tried again. "Sorry, look, what I'm saying is… what I'm asking is… can we make it water under the bridge Sasuke? I have a two-year lease so if we're going to be next to each other for long I'd just like it if we weren't trying to kill each other every moment."

Sasuke opened his mouth, then let out a small grunt, before leaving almost a quickly as he'd barged in.

"Crazy bastard," Naruto shook his head at the spot Sasuke was in just seconds prior. He'd tried to put them in good standing again but apparently, Sasuke didn't even want that. Naruto glanced towards the kitchen, the reflective stainless steel showing a blurry shadow of himself. Was he not even good enough to be a friend?

Suddenly every insecurity from five years ago was back full force, as fresh as the day Sasuke first spat them.


	5. Chapter 5

_Slightly longer chapter. And for reference Kitsune is a nice gay bar in Japan, I'm not just terrible at naming. Thank you for the lovely reviews, I look forward to seeing more what impression I'm giving out with this story._

* * *

"Naruto, I'm going to ask you something. And I want you to know I won't judge you. You can be honest…"

Naruto groaned. He'd agreed to let Neji come over after a class because he had gone out of his way to help with a seminar. But he still wasn't too happy about the intro to this question. He paused before stepping out of the elevator, hand on the side to keep it from closing. "Neji…"

"Even Sai notices Naruto. You've stopped eating again. You were getting over this-"

"This?" Naruto raised an eyebrow. "This is nothing. I'm _fine_. I've just been busy with work. We're moving the exhibit to london in the new year,"

"Which brings us to another point. You haven't touched your art since moving in here. It's been a week, Naruto." Neji was stressing and when Neji started using his name, Naruto could only sigh.

Neji whistled. "I should have figured. A guy like that-"

"Stop, Just stop Neji." Naruto shouldered the door open once it was unlocked and placed the pack of water down on the counter, unraveling it so he could put it away in the fridge to join a few gold cans of beer. He slammed it after. "You know what, let's go out. It's been forever. Let's go to K*tsune okay? It's men's dancing night."

Neji, not caring at all about Naruto's preferences thanks to his own orientation, nodded. "Alright, if that'll make you feel better."

It would, Naruto decided. And after changing into an outfit more suited to attracting company at a bar, he was out. On the car ride there he even turned to Neji. "You know, I think this is good. I really do. I need to get back in the game. I can't believe I am so hung up on someone from 5 years ago. The more I think about it, the more I wonder…"

Neji raised an eyebrow. "Hm?"

"I wonder cause, like, he was terrible at the end. The stuff he said. The things he did that night… It makes me think if maybe he was always like that and I just didn't see. My friends called him an asshole but I thought he was different…"

"But, maybe he wasn't," Neji supplied.

Nodding, Naruto said, "I think I might have been blinded by love. I think these past 5 years it's been an _idea_ I was in love with. Not him. If- if he was worth loving he never would have… god.. The things he said…"

Silence, then, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Naruto shook his head. "I'm not ready to. But soon. And Neji, thanks. You're a great friend."

Neji simply nodded, getting out with Naruto and entering the dimly lit bar. They wound there way up to the bar to get some drinks. Naruto ordering something strong right off the bat. For a while it was just them, drinking and talking about some upcoming exhibits. They were three drinks in before Naruto excused himself to go to the bathroom.

When he came back he didn't see Neji. Deciding to instead head over to the back of the bar he settled into a comfy seat with a decent view of the dancers and sent his friend a text to let him know where he was. He received a text a few minutes later saying he was… preoccupied but to call when he needed him. Snorting, Naruto shoved his phone back in his pocket. He supposed it was easier to pick someone up without someone like Neji hanging around.

He was about to get up and make his way over to the bar when someone slowly slid into the seat beside him. Amused by the forwardness Naruto turned his head to see a slightly older man slip in beside him. He wasn't exactly Naruto's type. He had lavender-silver hair but it was slightly straight and long just like...

No. He was not thinking about Sasuke. Instead, he raised an eyebrow.

The stranger showed a smug grin. "This seat taken? Seemed like you'd been ditched. Thought you might want some company."

Naruto leaned back, taking another sip of his drink. "Hm? And what if I had a date that just went to the bathroom?"

The stranger laughed. "Oh trust me, if someone was dating you, they'd be taking you with them to the bathroom."

Naruto had to let out a chuckle at the little eyebrow wiggle and he held out his hand. "Naruto."

The stranger took his hand and held it far longer than normal. When he said his name it was more of a purr. "Sakon. Nice to meet you Naruto."

"Yeah. So do you come here a lot?" Naruto asked, a touch of awkwardness. He hadn't done this often-

"You don't, do you," Sakon stated. He smiled. "What's a prize like you doing single here?"

"Trying to fix that, I guess," Naruto admitted. To which Sakon's face just lit up. He gestured to the near-empty drink. "What are you drinking?"

Naruto grinned, "Lemon Sour."

Sakon leaned in. "Is it good?"

Naruto nodded, unsure about the close proximity. "Y-yeah."

"Can I try," He licked his lower lip. Still way too close. All Naruto could suddenly think about was how not-Sasuke this man was.

And then he thought about how not-in-love with Sasuke he was supposed to be. Fuck it. Naruto chuckled nervously, took another swig, and then no sooner had he swallowed did he feel Sakon's lips on his, tongue darting out to lap up the last drop of liquid.

Kissing was kissing. Naruto didn't particularly enjoy it, but it wasn't terrible. Sakon was good at it. Naruto game back with a light flush to his face. One perk of not eating enough, three drinks had him decently buzzed.

Suddenly three more drinks were placed in front of him. Naruto glanced them over, then looked at Sakon. Then looked to the other side of him, where there was also Sakon. "Uh, am I getting double vision?" Naruto asked.

"This is my twin-"

"-my name is Ukon," The new twin started. Naruto blinked. Oh, hot damn. Now, this was a fantasy he should be relishing in but all he could think about was how frustrating it was that he couldn't tell them apart. Oh, no, they parted their hair differently and Sakon- no, Ukon- had more piercings. But now he was still forgetting.

"Holly fuck," Naruto blinked. He glanced at the drinks.

"Compliments," Ukon raised a glass and Sakon raised the other. "It matches your shirt."

Naruto grabbed the last drink and held it up to his deep orange top. It did! He grinned. "Cassis Orange?"

"You got it," Ukon tapped his glass against Naruto's. "Now you should let me know how this one tastes.

Naruto loosened up quickly after that. He took a drink and allowed Sakon, or Ukon, to drag his tongue along his lower lip just like before. But this time he opened his lips and let the kiss deepen. Despite the 5 year break Naruto still remembered how to kiss and could tell by the face of the twin that he'd done a decent enough job.

"You're a Neko, right?" Sakon purred against Naruto's lips. "We're both Tachi's if yer into that."

Normally this is when Naruto would collect their numbers and leave. And he should. A rebound wouldn't do him any good at this point. But he wasn't thinking straight. Or at all. Instead of a protest, a giggle escaped him. A fucking giggle. Like he was some girl-

" _-you sound disgusting in bed, did I ever tell you that? Yo moan like some chick it's so gross!"_

He was able to stifle the noises that would have followed. Damn alcohol. And the brutal reminder of how little he meant to others changed his decision.

"Hey, wanna get out of here," One of the twins asked and Naruto, still thinking about Sasuke and his hurt, decided 'fuck it'. What better way to move on. He chugged the rest of his drink, shot a text to Neji telling him he was taking a cab and was off.

It took half an hour to make it back to his place because the cabs were backed up. But when he was finally pulling up he was feeling…

Great.

Like _amazing_.

The elevator ride felt more like a rocket launcher and he had to keep from laughing. At one point he turned to Ukon and Sakon and said, "My feet feel amazing!" He practically yelled it despite being the only ones in the elevator and he couldn't see the looks on the twins face.

They helped him to his apartment and Naruto thought that the lights in the hallway looked so damn gorgeous, he probably blurted it out a dozen times and as he moved by they were streaming by him. Like he was going super fast. He also declared that quite loudly. He wasn't even upset when he passed by someone. Or more, someone was in front of his door, leaning against it.

"Naruto?"

Naruto blinked a few times, swaying as he took in the figure. "Ssssasuke?" His face lit up. He turned to the twins. "This is Sasuke!"

The twins put a hand on each shoulder and steered him through. "Come on babe where's yer keys," Ukon urged. Or maybe it was Sakon. Suddenly Naruto felt like he could tell them apart. He also declared that quite loudly.

Just as he fell inside he glanced back to see one of the twins- Ukon, he decidedly exclaimed- dancing with Sasuke. They had to be dancing. They were swaying so beautifully. Their loud voices were melodic and when Sakon decided to join in as well Naruto laughed. It was such a great sight. He wanted to join too.

The door slammed, bringing his eyes open again. When had they closed? He was simply standing in the foyer swaying back and forth. He saw Sasuke standing against a closed door and glanced around. "Where are my friends?" He asked.

Sasuke said something but Naruto was so much more interested in his voice. From there it was heaven. This went beyond being drunk, he knew that, but he didn't care. He loved it all. He loved the feeling of everything. Of the blanket against his skin. Or Sasuke's hand on his forehead. Drinking water was the most satisfying experience ever and he had no idea what sort of nonsense he was saying and he didn't seem to ever stop talking because he wanted the angel in front of him to use his voice more. He loved the sound.

In and out. Every time he came back to it he felt like a year had passed and time was just trickling by so slow. He thought he was sober at one point and started to panic, only to be pushed back under as another wave hit

When at last he came back around, feeling like he'd been suddenly jerked into awareness, he covered in blankets and there was no note to remind him of what happened last night.

He groaned, his head pounding and still unable to make clear of the situation. He remembered the twins and then Sasuke but nothing was clear. At least he hadn't had sex. He could tell that by the lack of feeling as he made his way to empty the contents of his stomach in the nearest bathroom.

When he woke up again he was still in the bathroom, cheek pressed to the toilet. Gross. He had the awareness to shower but he still felt… detached. He washed his hair at least twice because he kept forgetting if he had already done it. After far too long he stumbled out and back to bed.

He was going to stay in bed for the rest of the day when his doorbell, feeling like a gong in his head, wouldn't stop. Naruto rolled out of bed and shrugged on a pair of sweats, forgoing the underpants and top. He stumbled to the door and yanked it open. "What!"

He was irritable, far more than normal and he didn't really know why. No, that was a lie. He knew why but he wasn't ready to think about that. There was a good distraction right now in front of him. He glowered at the man in front of the door and didn't even stop when he saw it was Sasuke. "Uchiha?"

"Uzumaki," Sasuke returned evenly. "Are you feeling better?"

"Uh..."

"What the hell was last night? Is that something you normally do?" Sasuke crossed his arms, looking disinterested but even Naruto didn't buy it.

And Naruto wasn't in the mood. "Yeah, well, it ain't really any of your business anymore is it."

Narrowing his eyes, Sasuke said lowly, "You bringing drugs and strange men into the complex does concern me. Especially when I have to forcibly remove them from your apartment."

Naruto swallowed. He knew it. He knew he had been given something but he didn't want to admit it. Because he was a man and that sort of shit didn't happen to a man. He'd originally agreed to take the twins back to his place and that was when he knew he was simply drunk. No. He wouldn't be victimized back then and he wouldn't be now. "It's none of your business. I didn't ask you to get rid of them. I invited them over!"

"god," Sasuke gritted out. "You're too disgusting to even be bothered with."

Naruto clenched his fist, impulsively raising it and bringing it up in an attempt to sock Sasuke like he had their last farewell. But Naruto wasn't as fit as he was in high school. Without any muscle to back it up Sasuke was easy to quickly sidestep. Normally Naruto would have caught himself but this time he flopped pathetically on his side. getting up with a sharp hiss he glared. "Teme. If I'm, hn, so damn disgusting…" He was trying to act tough but damn he hurt. "Why the hell don't you just- just leave me alone!"

Sasuke clenched his jaw, not speaking for long enough to make things awkward. " _Fine_. See if I ever care again. Next time I'll just let them-"

Naurot had to interrupt with a laugh. The cynical type of laugh. "You? Care? As if! You and I both know you don't have the mental capacity to care!"

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. "Naruto-"

"And if suddenly you have started caring… about me… well…" Naruto ground out between small hisses as he stood up and swayed back towards the door. "It's a bit too late."

Naruto heard a curse behind him as he made his way back inside. He sort of forgot about Sasuke, his mind still foggy, as he made his way over to the sink and stuck his head under the faucet, gulping up water as if it could sober him up. "Fuck. I'm so fucked," he mumbled.

"Naruto…"

He spun around so fast he nearly tripped again. Sasuke was now, uninvited, inside of his house. "What are you doing?"

An intake of breath and then Sasuke answered. "I didn't come here to fight."

"Did you just come here to insult me then?"

"..."

Naruto wandered over to the fridge and yanked it open until he found an ice cold bottle of water. Electrolytes, that was what he needed. Water has electrolytes right? He had no idea, Sakura would disown him. He yanked the fridge shut to find Sasuke peering in. "Shouldn't you eat some real food?"

"Shouldn't you leave."

Another sigh. Sasuke followed Naruto through the house and towards the living room, where the blonde took a seat and glared at the approaching Sasuke. Was his apartment public property now? "For fuck's sake."

"What I meant to say earlier…" Sasuke started before stopping, gathering himself and sitting near Naruto. Naruto promptly moved to sit in a recliner across the way. Childish, but he was grumpy.

"Which part are you trying to correct? The part where you called me disgusting, _again_ , or the part where we discussed my lifestyle of threesomes and… drugs," Naruto couldn't hide the wince. God, he was never taking a drink from a stranger again.

Never going out to a bar again.

Naruto brushed a hand through his hair, fiddling with the length. God, he was starting to look like his late father. He needed to get it trimmed before his next tour. Yeah, that's how he was distracting himself from a very irritable Sasuke sitting across from him.

"I was concerned."

"Funny way of showing it."

Sasuke took another sharp breath. "Naruto, I want to ask you something."

Naruto took a drink of water. A long drink. What was it? What could it be? He lowered the bottle slowly and gave a small nod to continue.

"Five years ago. Do you remember that night?"

Naruto snorted. Not this again. Was Sasuke trying to punish him by making him relive that? "Of course I do." And he watched Sasuke tense. "But it's fine. I'm over it. It's been years. Sakura and I are still mates, did you know that? But I think she forgives you too. Well, she was pretty pissed when I kinda accidentally told her about what happened before but…"

He trailed off. God he wished he could at least remember more of that.

"She's… mad at me for that?" Sasuke's eyes were narrowed.

Naruto scoffed. "Of course she is. She's protective ya know. I told her it wasn't a big deal though, I'm not a girl." Naruto shook his head. But he knew damn well he would have gladly put up with rough love if it came from Sasuke. Wistfully he sighed.

Sasuke was still quiet. "Naruto you don't remember it at all, do you?"

Naruto shook his head. "Not the sex. I drank a loooot Sasuke. Like, way too much. One moment we were kissing on the couch and the next I'm waking up sore as could be."

"Wait. Just, stop talking," Sasuke put his hand up and ignored Naruto's hurt expression. "Are you fucking with me? You don't remember?"

Naruto narrowed his eyes. "Fine, don't believe me. Seriously why does it matter so much? It's what happened after that was more important! Gah, my head…"

He ducked it into his palms, taking a deep breath before continuing. "I can't do this Sasuke. I don't know what's up with this trip down memory lane but just- stop. My heads killing me, and I need to sleep this shit off. So you need to go."

"Wait I'm not done-

"Well I AM," Naruto said forcefully. He stood. Far less intimidating than he would have been in his younger years. He was partially shaking. Bags stood out under his eyes and there was a crack in his lips. Little love bites marred his tan neck and though he was staring straight up at Sasuke his demeanor made it look like he was glancing down. "Please."

Sasuke left without another word.


	6. Chapter 6

_Thank you for the reviews. They keep me going._

 _The truth should be slowly coming out across the next three and four chapters. A few things haven't been disclosed quite yet but soon loves. Theories are always fun to read_ though _._

* * *

It wasn't until three days later when Naruto and Sakura were alone in the apartment that Naruto finally confessed to the drugs. "I'm only telling you this because you're like a doctor. Um, I think I took something but… I don't know what it was Sakura."

Sakura narrowed her eyes. She was busy eating a one-sided meal with Naruto in his apartment and she paused her salad halfway up to her lips, leaning forward against the dining room table. "Naruto…"

"Please don't criticize me. I don't- I'm not ready to go into the details but believe me, it wasn't on purpose. I just- I want to know what it was. I need to make sure I didn't… I don't know, take something permanent."

Sakura nodded. "Naruto, drugs are terrible I don't need to tell you that, but normally taking them once won't cause anything permanent. Even Heroine or Meth. If it was just pot you don't have to worry, I wouldn't judge you for that."

A heavy sigh was released from Naruto. Everything he knew about drugs he'd learned from health class and it made them out to be the end of your life if you did something once. "That makes me feel better," he scratched the back of his head. "I was pretty fucked up for an entire day after. I just felt… like I wasn't myself. I still feel a little, I don't know, foggy."

Sakura nodded, understandingly slipping a hand over Naruto's. "It's normal. Coming down from a high... Imagine all this bliss condensed into a few hours. Afterward, it's hard to adjust. I don't know what happened but I'm glad you're feeling better."

Naruto just nodded. "I think that's what I needed to know."

Sakura nodded. She wouldn't push it. "Anytime. So, how's the place? Have you had any, you know, run-ins?"

For a moment Naruto wondered whether or not to tell Sakura. He busied himself with scraping his untouched salad plate into the trash and slowly washing the dish. "I'll get your plate," he motioned for Sakura to bring it over. Under her patient gaze, he found it easier to talk when he was busy doing something with his hands.

"Um, I sort of did a few days ago. It was… weird."

"How so?"

"He started off normal. Insulting me, calling me… disgusting."

Sakura fumed. "That asshole! Why I outta-"

"But then," Naruto fixed her with a small smile, appreciating that he had a friend to get so angry on his behalf. "He started asking about that night. The one where he.. You know."

"Oh."

"Yeah. And it was weird. He kept asking me if I remember what happened."

"Do you think it's guilt? We all saw the hand marks on your neck. And your cheek... Did you guys get in a fight when you were blacked out?" Sakura tried to brainstorm.

Naruto had debated telling her the truth but now he did. "Sakura I'm not telling you this so you'll be upset with him. Really. He was drunk too. But when I woke up… god, it was the worst. You're a doctor, so you know how it goes with guys to an extent right?"

Without judgment, she nodded. "Yeah. And Ino's lent me some of her Shonen Ai."

Chuckling Naruto continued, "Well, when I woke up it was obvious there hadn't been any... Preparation. I was fucking torn, and that didn't even happen the first time we had sex. It hurt like hell. He had to have been at it forever because there's no way I could have gotten that messed up with one round and- ah, sorry, TMI?"

Sakura shook her head no. "So you guys had sex… Naruto that sounds more like…"

"Yeah. Yeah, we had some crazy sex," He was quick to interject and ignored her little huff. "What I don't understand why he kept asking if I remember. Maybe he doesn't either? I've been trying to think about that night more and more and nothing makes sense. It's like he flipped a switch and suddenly hated me. Or, suddenly admitted he hated me…"

His hands stopped moving and Sakura gently patted his back. "I'm sorry Naruto. I wish I had the answers. I don't remember it either. God, I was pissed. I still haven't drank like that since."

"Same," Naruto agreed. "No use dwelling."

Sakura nodded and agreed to dry the dishes for Naruto, who still didn't use the dishwasher. Then again he didn't exactly use dishes. They were silent for a moment. Naruto busy with dishes and ignoring the gaze Sakura wasn't hiding at all.

Carelessly, far too carelessly for someone like Sakura, she reached over and pulled a cup out of the water but slipped her hand, so it went pouring all over Naruto's front.

"Ah, hot," Naruto hissed, quickly tugging his shirt up off his body to alleviate the heat. "Jeesh Sakura, clumsy!"

Sakura chuckled without the normal humor and trailed her eyes over Naruto's torse. Naruto caught the look and faced her fully. "I'm fine."

"Naruto… christ…" She came up to him and pressed her hands to his sides. She felt the ribs sticking out and slowly trailed her hands down to his hip bones. Her lip quivered. "Naruto…"

He placed his hands over hers, bringing them up to his lips and giving her one of his rare genuine smiles. "Sakura. I'm fine."

"You're not," she whispered. "I'm so stupid. Naruto, I'm so sorry. All this talk about the past- I loved him. But, I loved you so much more. I would never have… I'm so sorry."

He sighed, wrapping his hands around her and pulling her in for a hug. "Sakura please, don't be sorry. I don't resent you at all. If it wasn't you then it would have been someone else. You don't even remember it."

She just sniffled harder. "It just keeps eating at me. If only I wasn't at that party. If only I hadn't drunk so much. You're… it's like you're just fading away and It's my fault Naruto. And you won't even blame me! I wish you'd just hate me!"

"Never," Naruto spat, "I could _never_ hate you. I'm fine Sakura. I'm as fine as I am because I have you. If it had been anyone else in his bed... It would have killed me. But you? You're the one person that I love enough to hate him for taking advantage of. You couldn't imagine what you mean to me Sakura-chan."

She looked up and Naruto wiped away some of her tears with his thumbs. "You know when you cry, your eyes look like the Caribbean," he grinned. "All teal and pretty."

"Gosh Naruto, you say the weirdest things," she let out a choked laugh. Then her expression grew a little more serious. "Naruto… you don't still believe what he said back then, do you? About you being f-"

 _Ding Dong. Ding Dong. Ding Dong._

Naruto was literally saved by the bell. He rushed to the door without remembering his shirt and flung it open. "Hello-"

It was becoming a normal habit to become floored whenever he opened the door. "I really should start checking the camera," Naruto mumbled to himself. It seemed half of his visitors nowadays were Sasuke.

"I'm coming in," Sasuke shoved past Naruto and pushed himself into the living room, not yet taking note of Sakura. He glanced back at Naruto and his determined expression became slightly dampened. His eyes roamed the blonde's form. "What is wrong with your body?"

Naruto instantly flinched, rushing towards the bedroom for another shirt. "Shit. I never said you could come in," He yelled from the room.

Now Sakura, recovering from her shock, rounded on Sasuke. "Did you seriously just ask him that? What the hell is wrong with you!"

Sasuke startled. He wasn't scared of Sakura, but everyone knew the girl packed a mean punch and hse looked quite upset from the crying. "Haruno?"

"Yeah, Haruno. The girl you used to fuck up the best-"

"Hey, Hey, Sakura," Naruto came back from the bedroom and looked at them with a wary expression. "Um, Sasuke was just leaving, weren't you?"

"No."

They both fixed him with a stupid look. "What are you doing here Sasuke," Sakura glared. "You have some audacity to-"

"Why didn't you tell me," Sasuke spun around to face Naruto. His eyes were hard on Naruto. "About Sakon and Ukon."

Naruto was stunned. Sasuke couldn't possibly know! "W-what are you talking about?"

"Sakon and Ukon Otoga. Identical twins. 27. Yesterday my colleague stroke a deal with these two men and correct me if I'm wrong but they look an awful lot like the scum you dragged to your apartment four days ago." Sasuke narrowed his eyes. He glanced at Sakura. "Does she know?"

"Know what," Naruto scratched his chin. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Let me elaborate," Sasuke helped himself to a seat at the bar and it looked like he owned the place with how he made himself comfortable. "They struck a deal on account of 3 accusations of rape. The one common factor with each case was the similar MO. Target Bar-goers, give them a drink, and always visit the victim's house. And four nights ago-"

"No. Nope, Not happening. You are not coming in here to criticize my- my choice in partners. I didn't even do anything with them!" He had to wince at saying it himself. He glanced nervously at Sakura only to have her round on him.

Sasuke bristled, quickly trying to interject, "Yeah because I-"

"You idiot! That's why you were asking about drugs. You knew they'd slipped you something!" She cried over the both of their arguings and turned to Sasuke, "What were they using?"

"Ecstacy."

"Not the worst, but paired with alcohol… Naruto!" Sakura came up to him, placing had hands on his shoulders. "And I bet you didn't eat that day either. You idiot…"

Naruto looked down, feeling guilty. "I agreed to let them come over! I didn't know but still- I... fuck. Sakura, I'm sorry. I was going to tell you, I just… I hadn't adjusted myself. I didn't think you'd find out like this," He shot a glare at a clearly angry Sasuke.

Sakura was shaking her head. "No, Don't be sorry Naruto. I'm just glad you're okay. Maybe you should try meeting someone outside of the bars? Maybe I can set you up with-"

"Still here," Sasuke rudely interrupted, motioning to himself.

Coming up and standing in front of Sasuke Naruto spat, "Why? Why are you here? Why don't you leave me alone!"

"Why did you move in next door?"

"I didn't know! I knew you were in Tokyo but I had no idea I was moving in next door. Please, I know how _disgusted_ I make you feel, I wouldn't put you through the pain of having to look at me."

There was hurt in three pairs of eyes at that moment but Naruto ducked his head to prevent it. "Fuck. I'm so done. I'm done with all this tension and fighting and- Sasuke I don't want you to hate me."

Sakura started to come over, worry creasing her brow, "Naruto…."

"And I don't want to hate you. Can't we just, forgive? If you apologize to Sakura then I'll let it go too. What you did. Here! I'll start," Naruto straightened up and looked Sasuke straight in the face. "I'm sorry for making the relationship we had so one-sided. I'm sorry for the time I was loud with Sakura and her friends and for making you get involved with the twins. There! Not too hard!"

Naruto looked expectantly at a shocked Sakura and a blank-faced Sasuke. Before Sakura had time to regain her senses- and therefore her anger- Sasuke spoke. "I lied."

Naruto raised an eyebrow. "About?"

Honestly, he was hoping it had been about finding him disgusting, or how he was fat or his moans were gross or his face scars repulsive. But what Sasuke said, after a few minutes of silent vacillation, floored him way more than that.

"I never slept with Sakura."


	7. Chapter 7

_This chapter is going to be slightly Sakura-centric. In a lot of the Sasunaru stories and one shots I feel like her narration is always one of the best. I took advantage of that this time. It's a tad short but it's highly condensed. I kept writing more and then pulling it out because I feel like it wasn't necessary to spell everything out._

* * *

Naruto and Sakura both faced Sasuke with an even stare.

"What," Sakura whispered. "What do you mean… I woke up in bed, my clothes were gone…"

Sasuke glanced away. "I lied. I lied to get back at Naruto."

A punch caused him to fall out of the chair and it wasn't from Naruto but from a pink-haired ball of fury. "You- You used me? You almost ruined my relationship with my best friend- for what? Some stupid punishment for Naruto! Do you even- Do you know how bad that fucked him up? How bad that messed me up?"

Naruto had to hold Sakura back from landing another punch on the lawyer's face. "Sakura stop."

"Why the hell-"

"Because he's not worth it," Naruto glared down at the man on the floor. "And he needs to get the fuck out of my place before I call the cops and make a scene."

"Naruto I need to talk-"

"- to leave. You need to leave. Get out! NOW!"

Something must have clicked because the ever-prideful Sasuke did just that. He tucked tail and ran. He left Naruto and Sakura in there to hold themselves and pick up the pieces. They'd punished themselves for years over a lie. Naruto held Sakura as she cried. And for some reason, it didn't make any of them feel better.

* * *

They healed though. In the end, Sakura was relieved the truth was out, but still worried because Naruto was getting WORSE. He was never the same after Sasuke left him but after Sasuke was suddenly back in his life... Sakura sighed. She needed to do something.

Talks about seeing a therapist went nowhere. It was getting harder to meet Naruto. He'd been holding himself up in his workshop or studio and when he wasn't there was faking these terrible smiles at lectures and for magazines.

It was getting hard to watch. Sakura felt like she was going to catch his mental instability by being around him so much. Something needed to change.

If Naruto could fall in love he could climb right back out. If it took some help, so be it.

It was December 14th when Sakura knocked on Sasuke's door. Only when she knew Naruto was away busy with one of his galleries. "Sasuke it's me, open up."

She knew he was home. She'd parked her car right next to his. Whether or not he'd come to the door was another case. Her stubborn streak was still there because she continuously knocked for several minutes calling out to him. "Sasuke, please. You can't shut me out like this. You owe it to listen to me!"

Apparently, that struck some sort of a nerve because several moments later the door opened just enough for a grumpy Uchiha to glare past. "What?"

"Oh stop glaring Sasuke, let me in," Sakura shouldered her way past him much like he'd done to Naruto several times that week. Karma was a bitch and her name was Sakura. "You know I was going to come eventually."

"Why? Has the Dobe finally cooled down enough to act civil."

Sakura spun, barely a few feet inside the apartment before she rounded on the Uchiha. "Don't start with me Sasuke. He should be upset."

"No, you should be upset. You're the one I used. Why isn't he here yelling at me instead? That's what he'd normally do. Loud and annoying like that," He grumped. Though he was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed he was clearly interested.

Sakura had weighed her cards, practiced what she was going to say, but all that came out was a mumbled slur.

"What?" Sasuke asked.

"I knew," she whispered just loud enough for him to hear this time.

This was able to catch Sasuke's attention. He glanced at her with wary indecision. "You… knew?"

She nodded. "I'm a doctor Sasuke. I figured it out. But I thought I might have been wrong- no, I convinced myself I was. Because if you didn't sleep with me then you did all of that, to him, for nothing."

Silence engulfed them. Then, Sasuke broke it with a phrase Sakura expected, but never wanted to have confirmed.

"He cheated on me."

She was oddly silent. Sasuke narrowed his eyes. "You knew about this too? Did he tell you?"

She shook her head. The pieces were falling together. They'd been there since the beginning but she'd been unwilling to put the puzzle together and look at the horrendous picture. Searching Sasuke's face, she tried to find some hint that he'd figured it out too. But he only held anger behind his eyes. She knew too well that people believed what they wanted to even when the evidence was staring them right in the face. She envied Sasuke in that moment. She wished she could feign ignorance as well. The entire ordeal had taken some of her innocence and she was too damn tired.

As shitty a person as Sasuke had been that night, Sakura didn't think he deserved to have the same stolen from him. So she was silent, allowing him to continue with his tale.

"He was with someone else that night. I saw enough to know he wasn't exactly unwilling. He seems to think I'll believe him if he yells about how- It isn't important. I'm not going to forgive him. I don't regret anything I said to him that day. But… I shouldn't have used you." He finished the last part quietly. And realizing how everything sounded Sasuke was half-prepared to fend off a punch.

Catching Sasuke off guard, Sakura remained where she stood with her eyes down... "Sasuke. I know you hate him but... You saw him didn't you?"

Leaning back, grabbing the drink he'd ignored for too long on the counter, Sasuke stared at her past the rim. "Hm?"

Finally, she looked up with determination in her eyes. She'd made her decision. "He's sick, Sasuke. I am trying to get him help. But please. Don't bring the past up with him. Don't talk about that night. In fact, I think it would be best if you completely avoided him. Please." Sakura had stepped closer, her hands clutched in front her chest and deep concern on her face. "Please Sasuke."

Despite having little patience for begging- he and Naruto had both been exposed to a lot of that in high school- he did still have a soft spot for Sakura. Seeing her on the brink of tears in such a similar fashion to 5 years… "I'll do it for you, not for him."

A loud sigh of relief permeated the air. Sakura looked no less troubled but her shoulders dropped. "Thank you. Thank you, Sasuke."

She declared phase one complete.

* * *

Naruto was surprised when Sakura showed up to his workshop the next day. The class had been out for a dozen minutes but he was in the back gently placing clay figures into the kiln. He didn't stop what he was doing when he asked, "What brings you here?"

"Well," she shifted, "It's kind of hard to catch you elsewhere."

As honest as the answer was, it still caused Naruto to sigh.

Coming up she held out a paper. "Actually I have a favor. I know it's late but I was wondering if you'd take on another student."

This caught Naruto's attention. He hadn't been expecting that. Raising an eyebrow he asked, "Who?"

"It's a girl Utakata mentors. She's in high school, her name's Hotaru. She's a sweet kid but she needs to work on her precision. We're thinking if she attends your pottery workshop…"

Naruto remembered Utakata. He wanted to say yes immediately but had to hesitate. "I have room. But, Sakura… It's an advanced workshop. Will it be okay?"

"Utaktata thinks so. He's been teaching her the art since she was in high school. She's a quick study."

Knowing it was rare for Sakura to ask something like this, Naruto could do nothing but nod. "Yeah, Those workshops will be Saturday at 3. Tell her to come at 1 though, since she'll be missing the normal orientation everyone gets."

While Inner Sakura cheered, the outer version just smiled. "Thanks, Naruto. I'm sure Utakata will want to thank you too."

"I didn't know he was an artist? Does he just work with clay?" Naruto tried not to let his excitement leak. Meeting other artists was always exciting.

Sakura shook her head, "He actually prefers carving. Here," she paused to take out her phone, "I'll send you his number again. You two should meet up sometime."

Waving it off Naruto just laughed. "I'm pretty sure I made too big a fool of myself at the party."

"Nah. He's a lot like you Naruto. I think he'd be a good friend. Trust me."

And the thought of a fresh friend, with no association or attachment to Sasuke, did seem to appeal to the blond. He wiped clay-dusted hands off on his jeans and dug out his phone as it chimed. "Alrighty, I'll send him a message. Thanks, Sakura."

And phase two was complete. Sakura smiled softly when she realized there was just one more to go. One she might just regret.

That evening when she got home she dialed a number she hadn't called in years. It picked up on the fourth ring. " _Sakura-chan?"_

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei. Long time no talk. Can we meet up?"

" _Hotel or restaurant?"_

"Bar. Trust me. Bar."

Silence and then, " _How about 7 tomorrow? Usual?"_

"I'll see you there at 10."

* * *

And _here comes the inner crisis. Is Sakura's meddling good or bad? We can wonder how things might have turned out differently in the end._


	8. Chapter 8

_There is a lot in this chapter. The reviews are amazing, I can't stop writing because of them._

 _Since there was so much in this chapter I split it in two. The truth is about to come out._

 _While I do not believe in character bashing, I do believe in not sugar coating flaws._

* * *

The day of the reunion finally arrived. Sakura and he were going to carpool. It was a large event at an event center near the downtown area. Someone even mumbled that the Akatsuki was going to be there which brought far more attention. Naruto was somewhat excited. While he loved the band he really just wanted to see Itachi again. He'd always thought of the man like a brother and though they lost contact after the breakup Sasuke did still send him CD's and tickets.

To his amazement, Sakura was actually late. It was ten minutes past the time they were supposed to meet. He was about to send her a text when the door rang. He slapped his cheeks into a smile before checking the camera- something he'd decided to do lately.

He quickly opened the door. "Kakashi?"

"Yo," he gave a weak salute and sauntered in. He had a large package in his hand. "Is it a bad time?"

"Er, kinda. I need to get going. Sakura should be here soon. She's a little late." Naruto tried to explain. "Did something come up?"

The tall white-haired man smiled behind the medical mask he always wore. "Oh is she now? I'll make it short. It's nothing emergent, I just received an offer I was dying to tell you about."

This had Naruto's attention. He took the packet and opened it up. The first thing that shook him was the letterhead of the first page. "Holly shit."

He quickly scanned the first page and then flipped through a couple others. He could understand why it was such a big deal for Kakashi to come meet him personally. "This from the R*yal college of arts," he gaped.

With a crinkled eye smile, Kakashi said, "They'd like to invite you to do a lecture. It's only for one term, starting in December but there's perspective of being hired on full time. You understand how big this is?"

"Of course I do. It's RCA. I can't- Why would they- I don't understand."

"Well, apparently an old alumnus there put in a good word for you. You don't have to decide now. Think it over."

"Yes. I will. I definitely will! Thank you Kakashi," Naruto looked up with stars in his eyes and the precious envelope close to his chest. A teaching position at such a prestigious school. Oh god. Was his English good enough? He'd never been to the UK before.

Interrupting his thoughts was a small knock on the already open door. "Hey, Naruto sorry I'm late. Traffic. Oh Kakashi, what a surprise."

"Sakura-chan," Kakashi gave a small nod. "I was just leaving."

Once Kakashi was ducked out of sight Naruto shared the news with Sakura. She, of course, looked just as, if not more, excited. "That's great! My teacher lives in the UK now too. She does therapy as well, Maybe I can-"

"Sakura," Naruto warned with a deep voice. She flinched at his tone and quickly changed the topic to traveling.

It was an hour-long commute to the event center with traffic but they weren't too terribly late. The parking lot was full but they managed to find a spot in the back. Naruto let out a whistle. "Seems they leaked that Akatsuki was going to be attending. Do you think we'll find Itachi?"

"Maybe if we can fight through the girls," Sakura chuckled. She took his arm and they marched towards the room. "You know I was a little nervous you wouldn't come."

Bashfully Naruto scratched his cheek. "Sorry, I just needed time to myself. Let's not talk about this now. Later?"

"Later," Sakura promised. The doors were opened for them and they stepped into a nice entryway. Continuing on to the main hall where dozens of tables were lined up. Most crowded was at the head of the room where the Akatsuki lounged. Naruto searched faces until he saw Itachi but the Uchiha's eyes were fixed down, discussing something with an old teacher.

So they made their way through the room until a voice called out. "Sakura! Over here, we saved you a spot!"

They changed direction to a table near the head of the hall at the summons of Sakura's blonde friend. Naruto gave her a polite smile. "Ino."

"Hey! Short time no talk," She moved over so Naruto and Sakura could squeeze in between her and Hinata. Naruto next to the shy Hyuuga. As Sakura and Ino delved into gossip he fixed her with a smile.

"Hey, how have you been?"

Hinata seemed almost shocked that he was talking to her. Something akin to fear flashed in his eyes and he had to wonder how that came about. But a second later her eyes were fixed on her hand. After securing a glass of beet he hesitantly tired again, "Hey?"

"N-n-naruto," she whispered. She still had her stutter. But her hair was longer and she had grown into her features more. Naruto thought she looked gorgeous. Oh, if only he was straight. "H-hi."

"I haven't seen you in forever! When was it, the party? Yeah, I remember now. You were hanging out with, what was his name… some senior."

She nodded. Her eyes darting around as if looking for an escape. "S-sorry."

A pitcher was sloshed in front of her, beer spilling out and making its way. Hinata seemed to squirm as a cup was poured for her and Naruto, catching on, took it. "I know you don't drink," He grinned. "Wow, this is Deja vu! Don't worry, I didn't tell anyone then I won't tell them now."

He winked at her, a friendly gesture remembering back. It was before he'd been drunk, he'd taken a drink from her that she had been procrastinating. It wasn't necessarily polite to refuse drinks from your senpai but he'd stolen it so she wouldn't have to. Expecting a soft smile in return like she'd given him that night, he was floored when she suddenly stood.

"Wait Hinata where are you… going…" He trailed off when he realized she was already lost in the crown.

An elbow to his side made him slosh his drink. "What the hell Sakura?"

"What did you do?"

"Nothing! I just took her drink. Do you think she wanted it?" He frowned. "But before she said she didn't drink so I thought..."

Ino leaned over to get a view and rolled her eyes, "Whatever you did, go say sorry!"

Jolting Naruto stood. "Right! Right." He had no idea what had Hinata so afraid of him but he was determined to find out. He squeezed his way towards where she went, passing the Akatsuki table narrowly. He glanced over to see if Itachi was paying attention yet but the black eyes were still intent on someone else.

Instead, he caught a pair of gray eyes so light they were nearly purple.

Naruto froze.

He didn't know why he froze, but suddenly his hands grew cold and the hairs on his arms raised. He knew whose eyes those were. The handsome but strangely repulsive face surrounding it. Slicked back white hair and an open jacket. Naruto swallowed, mouth dry.

Hidan. Akatsuki's drummer. His eyes boring into Naruto as if they knew each other. Naruto had to break contact but not before he instinctively took a step back. He'd been to their concerts before but he'd never felt a gaze like that. Not from anyone.

All thoughts of Hinata's strange behavior went out of his mind and he quickly turned to walk towards the bathrooms. He felt like he was acting weird; like it was noticeable. He forced himself to focus on how he was supposed to walk. Did his gait look weird? Did he seem panicked? WHy was he any of those things?

He barely made it to the bathroom before pushing his weight onto the sink and taking a few deep breaths. "What the hell. What the hell," he shook his head. Running the cold tap he splashed water on his face to cool himself down. He'd barely finished half a cup of beer and he was already flushed.

When he wiped water from his eyes he jumped at the sight in the mirror. Behind him was said silver drummer. Naruto spun around, not wanting to take his eyes off the man. Act normal, he thought, there's no reason for this.

"Hey princess. Long time no see."

His blood ran cold.

* * *

 _Why was Hinata so afraid? Why does Hidan scare Naruto so much? Let me know your thoughts._


	9. Chapter 9

**AN:**

 _Warning, dark chapter. Language. Triggers._

 _I can't see Naruto developing a persecution complex but I can see him developing a **persecutors** complex. Denial can do amazing things to the mind. _

_My apologies._

* * *

"Hidan?" Naruto tried to rub the back of his head but his knuckles were white, gripping the sink behind him for support. Badly needed support. "Uh, y-yeah. I haven't gone to a concert in a while. Does, uh, Itachi talk about me?"

Naruto usually had good instincts. And this time they were telling him to get out of there. He listened and moved to pass Hidan. He needed to leave. Now.

Instead, he found a hand on his chest and a wicked grin on Hidan's face. "Whoa whoa, you telling me you forgot? I'm pretty hurt!"

"Forgot…" Naruto tested the waters. He had absolutely no idea nor inclination on what the drummer might be talking about.

 _Get out of there_ , his mind was still screaming.

"Shit man, I sent you fucking tickets and everything," Hidan ran his hands through his silver hair, glancing around before taking a predatory step forward.

Naruto tensed, preparing to be hit. Why? It didn't make sense. He and Hidan weren't on bad terms. They weren't on anything. Denial. It crept into Naruto and took a firm grip on his mind, blocking pathways.

Hidan fisted the front of Naruto's shirt and pulled him closer. "To this day," His tongue darted out to lap at the blonde's earlobe. "You were still one of the best fucks I've had."

Naruto lashed out so suddenly it surprised himself, pushing Hidan back and stumbling into the wall. Pinned between sink and wall he was quick to try and rectify it only to be pushed back again. "Look you have me confused with someone else I-"

"Trust me, princess, I'd never forget this ass-cunt," Hidan reached his hand around, grabbing his backside firm. "I never thought I'd run into you here."

"I don't know-"

"Bulshit," Hidan never stopped grinning. "You were all over me at that party, just begging for my cock."

Hyperventilating. That was what Sakura would call it. Naruto suddenly felt like he couldn't breathe despite the air he was sucking in. "You have the wrong person-"

"Why are you trying to deny it now? Got a boyfriend out there or something," Hidan pressed closer and though Naruto wasn't weak, he was no longer strong enough to push the boy off. And his mental state was currently crumbling down. "You still with that 'Sa-kun' fucker ya kept-"

"N-No!" He shook his head. He wanted to sound more firm but his next words were a prayer, "I didn't sleep with you."

"The fuck you didn't. You were moaning and begging for it. Too bad you took passed out right as the real screaming started," Hidan made a tsk noise. "But how about we ditch this party and go relive that night. I can even invite the others. Oh- but you probably don't remember them. Mixing pills like that."

 _Others. Pills._

* * *

 _He's the life of the party when he's drunk. His sky-blue eyes practically sparkle with amusement at everything. He's sitting in a half-circle in the living room sandwiched between Kiba and Hinata ion a couch only made for two. Shikamaru sits across from them with his eyes shut and Choji is guzzling a drink from his position on the floor. Lee, sober as always, is laughing at something Kiba is saying. Naruto knows the tale Kiba's spinning is false but he finds it hilarious anyway._

 _Naruto's attention is mostly on Hinata. His cup has been empty for a good ten minutes in drunk-time and her coffee mug (they'd run out of plastic cups an hour into the party and three had been left forgotten by Naruto alone) was still full. He eyed it with a mischievous glint. "Hinata-chan~"_

 _She glances up with curiosity and he motions to her cup. She turns red. "J-Jirobo senpai gave it t-to me."_

 _"Ya gonna drink it?"_

 _She's turning even redder. "I- It's rude to r-refuse a d-d-drink from a Senpai b-but I d-d-don't-"_

 _It was all the permission Naruto needs. He quickly scoops up the cup and brings it to his lips. Before long a chorus of 'chug! Chug! Chug!' lifts and he finishes off the drink. It must be sake, he explains the slight grittiness at the end of the black mug. By now he's desensitized to the taste of alcohol._

 _The mug's empty, he slams it down on the coffee table and shoots up to find his anti-social boyfriend. That or another drink, whichever he comes across first._

* * *

Naruto let out a choked sob, even though he wasn't crying. He started to suck in air more desperately but it felt like he was choking. He was thrashing against the wall, eyes darting wild as he failed to focus on anything.

He couldn't even begin to think about what all Hidan meant. He couldn't feel angry or sad or disgusted yet. It was all he could do to remember how to breathe. Then it started a chorus of no's so weak they were hardly audible.

"What're you saying no for again? Don't be a tease like last time," Hidan smothered his body even closer. "If you don't wanna go anywhere I'm fine with-"

His last syllable was drawn out as he was suddenly yanked back. Naruto collapsed against the sink without anything there to support him. Wide scared eyes looked up into coal blacks. For a second, a hopeful second, he thought Sasuke had come to the reunion. He wanted to sink into those warm safe arms.

Instead, it was the older Uchiha. "I-I-I-" He couldn't talk.

"Hidan," Itachi spoke softly but his tone was not to be mistaken. "What did you do?"

"I'm just catching up with an old fuck. What the hell are you doing here?" Hidan stood defensively. "Don't be a cockblock."

Itachi glanced at Naruto's pathetic form to the guilt-free expression on Hidan's face. "Don't make me ask again. What did you do."

"We fucked, like, years ago. Why the fuck are you interfering?" Hidan was startled as a hand pressed him to the wall.

"Hidan." Itachi seemed to be busy composing the words.

"The fuck's up your ass Itachi? You sound fuller than Naruto was that-" Hidan shut up when a fist punched the wall next to his face. A furious Itachi wasn't something anyone would want to deal with. Naruto might have appreciated the momentarily scared expression on Hidan's face if he wasn't trying too hard to keep the alcohol in his stomach.

"That's my brother's boyfriend."

Hidan did pale a little, his eyes darting to Naruto and then a grin spread. "So _that_ was the 'Sa-kun' bitch he kept crying for!"

* * *

 _Suddenly Naruto is outside. It's cold, but the body he's pressed to is warm. Bare abs press against his chest and firm hands grip his ass. Sasuke isn't an exhibitionist but Naruto doesn't think about that as his lips are met with another rough kiss. He doesn't know how he got outside but he doesn't mind. The warmth of his lover is that much better in the cold night air. It's sobering._

 _Who is he kidding, he isn't going to be sober until morning._

 _He moans into the hot kiss, hissing as teeth roughly nip at his lower lip. His eyes would have opened in shock were they not too heavy. He whispers Sasuke's name- or a slurred version of it- like a prayer He needs more._

 _"Rmmmm," he manages to blurt out in a more aggressive stance. "L...s fu-" he can't manage a word let alone a sentence but the man gets the hint and he's supported back into the house. Everything goes black again._

* * *

Itachi raised his fist.

"Hey hey hey, it's not like it was just me. Kakuzu did it too. Even Kisame came in at the end. The kid took it like a champ, Kisame's huuuu- AH fuck! FUCK! You cunt!" Hidan must have crumpled to the ground after the resounding crunch but Naruto didn't see.

Nope. Fuck it. He was fucked. His liquid meal was not staying down. Naruto barely managed to crawl his way towards a stall. He hunched over the toilet and felt the bile and alcohol rise up. He gagged at the burn and closed his eyes tight. A soothing hand pressed against his back and he relaxed a little as the purging came to an end and he finally calmed himself down.

Reality hit hard. Memories hit hard. They piled on top of each other in such quick succession he wasn't sure what- _who_ \- happened first. It came in clips like a forgotten movie and sometimes just feelings. Mostly pain. Searing hot pain that put any fight he'd ever been in to shame. "Oh god," he whispered. "Oh my god."

"He's gone," Itachi supplied.

Naruto leaned back and sat with his back to the stall wall, a pathetic mess on the floor. "Oh my god," he repeated, eyes wide as he looked up at Itachi. "He said I. He- he- he said I drank something. He- I- Oh god."

Reality took hold and he morphed it. He morphed the memories and slapped a filter on what he knew from the night. Instead settling on: "I- I- I cheated on him. I cheated on Sasuke."

"Naruto-"

It settled into his mind, an idea. And it wouldn't shake loose.

"No. No. Oh my god it all makes sense. I- it was my fault. Oh god, Itachi I think I'm gonna be sick again." Naruto slowly rocked himself, trying to dispose of the feeling. "Everything he said… Why he said it…"

"Sasuke didn't know," Itachi tried to reason. "Naruto you didn't-"

"I did. I fucking did. I messed everything up. I- I drank too much and then they-" He leaned over the toilet but luckily kept everything in. "S-Sakura. I need Sakura. Oh god"

With his eyes closed and rocking back and forth softly, Naruto was able to block everything from his conscious and the memories stopped. Nothing new came, but it was all there. After what felt like forever a gentle hand touched his shoulder. "Naruto. Naruto you're having a panic attack. Naruto breathe. I'm here." came the soft hush of Sakura's voice. So soothing.

Naruto focused on that gentle voice. Like the mother he never had it lulled him into a trance. A soothing hand on his back. He scarcely heard her whisper that they should go.

He let her take him home. And to her credit, she didn't ask him anything until they were back and he had his teeth brushed and in bed. He'd finally stopped mumbling and stuttering. Only then did she gently broach it. "Naruto, Hidan followed you into the bathroom… he came out with a broken nose. Do you want to talk about it?"

Naruto looked at her. Like she was his entire salvation. "If I was straight, I would have married you," He confessed.

She flushed. "Naruto?"

He placed an arm over his eyes, to try and shield himself from the pain and her from his tears. Even at the breakup, he'd never cried but this hurt so much more. "I slept with other men. That's why he- that's why he hurt you and me and I- I fucking- he was the best thing I ever h-h-has and I fucked it up."

Sakura smoothed his hair back, hushing him gently. "Oh, Naruto. I know. I know."

"You don't! I- He must have seen. I don't remember but…. I ruined everything. I hurt you too. I thought Sasuke was in the wrong but… it was me."

Sakura continued to stroke his hair. "I know. But I was afraid. I didn't want you to be hurt like this if turned out that someone other than Sasuke…"

Naruto lost it. His thin frame was wracked with sobs. "I fucked it all up. He should hate me. I r-r-ruined it all."

Sakura was quiet for a moment and then she spoke with a little more firmness in her voice. "Naruto do you remember when you came into the room? What did you do when you saw me in the bed with Sasuke."

Naruto had to take a moment to calm down before he could respond. "I panicked."

"You did. But what did you say to Sasuke?"

"I, I don't know. I was upset. I yelled."

Sakura guided him gently. As much as he didn't want to talk it was a smart move. She continued, "And what did you yell? What did you demand?"

"I-" Naruto tried to remember the fight. With all the other memories suddenly unlocked it was hard to sort it out. "Um, I demanded he explain. I didn't think he'd really... you know. I trusted him. I h-hoped he was just too drunk."

"That's right. You believed in him Naruto. I was naked, in bed with your boyfriend, and you still didn't believe he cheated on you at first."

Naruto nodded, "Cause I knew he wouldn't. We were… I thought… I thought we were in love."

"But Sasuke didn't give you the same benefit of the doubt…"

Knowing where this was going, and far too selfish to stop his pity party, Naruto intervened. "No. I didn't walk in on the act Sakura. I don't know what he saw but he was drunk too, and it must have been convincing."

"You weren't conscious Naruto. Didn't they say something about-"

"-I didn't take anything! I didn't feel like I did after Sakon and Ukon." Naruto immediately defended. He didn't. It was just rice wine. It was just rice wine.

"It could have been-"

"No! I didn't take anything," Naruto tried to convince them both. Realizing his panic was rising Sakura backtracked.

"I just mean… you didn't know Naruto. If Sasuke had just believed in you…. He could have… he could have stopped it…"

Naruto took back his arm, glancing up at Sakura who had similar big thick tears threatening to spill. Naruto reached up, cupping her chin. "I caused him to involve you in his revenge. I hurt you. You should hate me too."

"You idiot," Sakura sobbed. "You're going to have to put up with it because I'd never hate you. Never."

Naruto pulled her down for a hug, and they stayed like that until he drifted off to sleep in her warm arms.

* * *

 ** _AN:_**

 _I'm considering writing out a one-shot play-through of that night since most of the details are revealed. A few more to go and we'll have the full picture. But there's too many pov's to chose from. Naruto, Hinata, Sakura, Jirobo, Sasuke, maybe even Shikamaru._

 _And maybe our precious characters will realize it wasn't just one person's mistake, but a collaboration of little mishaps that morphed into one big mistake._


	10. Chapter 10

Sakura slowly unraveled herself from Naruto. She hated leaving him there alone but she needed to at least get a change of clothes. Maybe it would be smart to take up the offer and actually room with Naruto. He had space…

She was deep in thought when the elevator opened up and for a second she thought it was Sasuke. She relaxed when she saw it was just, "Itachi. What are you doing here?"

"Well, it seems I need to have words with my little brother."

Sakura nodded slowly. "Um, about Naruto?"

"Is he okay?" asked Itachi. His face showed genuine concern, "I discussed things with Hidan and Kakuzu and Kisame. They verified Hidan's original claim. Naruto was slipped something before they noticed him. If you think Naruto wants to press charges my family will help any way we can to find out who gave him the drink."

Quickly nodding, Sakura gave a small smile. "Thank you, Itachi. He's beating himself up bad. I mean he was a mess after Sasuke dumped him but I've never seen him like this. He didn't cry back then. And Sasuke said some things."

Itachi motioned for Sakura to follow him. "It appears you know more of the story from Naruto's perspective. Will you join me?"

"Are you going to tell Sasuke?"

Itachi nodded.

Sakura wrung her fingers. They stood a few feet from Sasuke's door but turned to face naruto's at Sakura's next question.

"Will you ask Naruto first? I know it's none of my business what you do with your brother it's just- I know Naruto. He's already feeling so guilty."

"I think Sasuke should know. He'll continue to treat Naruto cold until then. Perhaps this will help them reconcile."

Sakura laughed a little. "That's not how Naruto looks at things. He's acting like it was some premeditative incident and knowing that he hurt the love of his life is messing with him. It took four years to go through the stages of grief after the breakup. I just don't want to make things worse too soon."

"I understand. But I think you are underestimating those two."

"But what if Sasuke still doesn't forgive? Those two are stubborn. Naruto's convinced he did something wrong and Sasuke's stuck in a victim mentality. I'm a little afraid. What if, in the heat of the moment, he says something worse."

Itachi hummed. "They've lived like this too long. Sasuke hurt too, more than he showed." When Sakura opened her mouth again Itachi continued. "But I will wait until you think Naruto is strong enough to handle the reaction."

"What reaction?"

Both adults flinched. Well, Sakura let out an eep and Itachi widened his eyes slightly. They turned around to see Sasuke standing in the hall, quiet as a snake. His eyes were narrowed into tight little slits as he surveyed them. "What do I need to know?"

With nervous wringing of hands, Sakura fumbled. Itachi was the one to recover it, "I suppose this changes that. How much did you hear, Sasuke?"

Sasuke glared, "Something about you underestimating me and me needing to know. Something, from the sound of it, involving Naruto."

Itachi glanced at Sakura and then back at Sasuke. "All in good time little brother. First, let's-"

"Oh no. You're not distracting me. What did Naruto do?" Sasuke narrowed his eyes further in a glare that made Sakura flinch away.

"Sasuke not right now. He's asleep. He needs-"

"Move," Sasuke shoved past her and towards Naruto's apartment. He yanked the door open, unlocked because Sakura was planning on coming back, and stormed inside. Itachi was quick to follow.

Sakura let out a worried whimper and rushed after them. "Sasuke! Sasuke no, you can't," She tried to step in front of him but he just stepped around. Annoyingly enough, Itachi wasn't helping. He seemed to be of an impressive front and waiting for things to play out.

Naruto was finally asleep, dreamlessly thank god. He didn't know what sort of pain his dreams would bring him with his new knowledge and flickering memories. What he'd expected was to wake up gently to Sakura shaking him or the sun through east curtains. But what he got instead was a blast of light and a cry of "Sasuke, no!" before he was shaken up.

He gasped, opening his eyes and catching the aggressive look on Sasuke's face. "S-Sasuke-teme?"

"So tell me. What do I need to know?"

Naruto slowly sat up, looking with hurt at Sakura, who quickly explained. "I didn't tell him Naruto I swear. He overheard Itachi and I talking and I- damn it! Sasuke no, you need to leave."

"That's enough," Naruto said quietly. His vision was a little poor from all the tears earlier but he rubbed them clear and glanced up at Sasuke. Surprising half the room, there was only acceptance on his face and in his voice. "It's okay."

"Naruto," Sakura started but Itachi put a hand on her shoulder.

Sasuke had gone quiet as he waited for Naruto to spit out whatever he had. He was impatient, glancing back. Naruto had to take a deep breath before he said. "I know what I did. 5 years ago. I know why you said all that."

Sasuke looked unsurprised but his expression was relaxing a little.

At the encouragement of silence, Naruto continued. "I remember."

Sakura was again trying to intervene but Naruto shook his head. "And I made you out to be the one in the wrong. I can't apologize, it won't fix it. You should know."

From calm and silent to livid, Sasuke glanced around the room. "What the hell is going on? Why are you two looking at me like that? Why is Naruto admitting it now after all this time? Itachi…" Sasuke looked honestly hurt by the disappointed look.,

Sasuke clenched his fist, " Why the hell are you looking at me like that Itachi? I'm not the whore that spread his legs for someone else! I'm not the one who betrayed everything we had! I'm not the one who'd be better off d-"

"Sasuke," Itachi's cool voice tried to but him off in time but it was so obvious from the look on Naruto's face the implication was there. On the outside, Naruto seemed stronger than expected but on the inside, he was hyperventilating.

 _Better off dead._

 _Better off dead._

 _Better off dead._

It was like a record stuck on repeat just going around and around. Naruto stared at his hands as Itachi spoke, but was quickly growing numb to it all.

 _Better off dead._

"Sasuke," Itachi's cool voice cut through. "You're right."

Naruto might have let out an undignified noise if gentle hands hadn't wrapped around him at that moment. He looked with confusion at Sakura. He wasn't the one who needed comfort. That was Sasuke. Instead, Sakura was glaring fiercely.

Itachi spoke instead, "You're right. You're not the one who did what Naruto did. The one that went through that. You're not the one who woke up in pain and with no memories. You're not the one that had three men tearing into his body while he was unconscious."

At this, Naruto couldn't resist making a noise of pain. No. Sasuke didn't need to know the details. He didn't need to know how dirty Naruto was. With his eyes tightly shut he couldn't see any reactions.

"But you are the one who didn't believe him. You're the one Hidan said he was calling out for until he lost consciousness. You're the one that could have stopped it before it happened if you had faith in him."

Silence ensued except for the soft shudders from Naruto as he tried to block it all out. But he couldn't. The memories were too fresh despite being so distant. Like a movie he'd watched just yesterday.

"And you're the one who needs to fix this, little brother. Frankly, I'm…. disappointed in you."

Naruto shut his eyes even tighter. He only opened them when he heard a sudden loud crash. He looked up to see his lamp missing and instead shattered against the far wall. Naruto glanced at Sasuke in shock.

"What the hell is this," Sasuke panted, the effort of such a throw dealing its toll on him. "What the hell. I can't," he glanced frantically about the room and then his eyes landed on Naruto.

Naruto held his gaze for as long as he could before clenching his fists into the top blanket and glancing away.

 _Better off dead._

"I- I need a moment. Just, give me a moment," Sasuke gasped before backing out of the room and disappearing.

"Well, that went well," Itachi broke the tense silence.

Sakura glared. "Well? You think that was well? Sasuke ran away! Oh, but not after he had a chance to say something to Naruto, that I WARNED YOU Naruto couldn't handle right now! Uchiha's! Both of you-"

Naruto wanted to object, to say he was right there but no words came. Instead, he decided the best thing to do was close his eyes and drift back off.

He didn't hear Sakura say she'd be back in the morning or that there was some porridge in the fridge. He didn't register the knock on the door a few hours later. Through the entire encounter and until sleep finally claimed him the only thing sticking out was the comment.

 _Better off dead_.

* * *

If Hell existed Naruto was in it.

His first sleep had been dreamless but the second time he drifted off he was plagued by nightmares and all of real events. His mind couldn't make up the twisted scenarios slipping through the cracks and it seemed he was slowly piecing the entire night together.

So when he woke up it was with a scream and cold sweat and a feeling of shame that came with sudden clarity. Pushing all thoughts to the back of his head he stumbled out from the sweaty sheets and into the main room. The sun was gone and based on the lights from the city below it was likely late. He fumbled for his phone and confirmed that it was past midnight and scanned the missed calls. Two from Sakura- voicemails reminding him to eat and she'd be back after work tomorrow. Seven from two different unidentified numbers, a couple from work contacts, and then oddly enough Neji Hyuuga. There were fewer texts but all of them far too serious for him to reply to. With the exception of one form Utakata inviting him out for drinks with some mutuals. He could respond to that.

After sending a declining text he made his way to the shower. It felt nice after being on his knees and up against the wall in a bathroom. Still unwilling to think of just why he was led to that situation he let the water wash away what it could from his tired body and stepped out with a fluffy orange towel secured around his waist.

He considered going to the shop but didn't think anything he created in this mindset would be worth much. Dark and moody wasn't his style. That was more like Sasuke-teme. He wandered to the balcony and slowly stepped out. He shook under the frigid December air but he could always handle the cold better. He was supposed to have been the warmth in their relationship- the one who never gave up. Who would have thought he- he-

He couldn't think it. Leaning over the balcony bars he blew hot breath and watched the wind take it away.

"Damn," he muttered. He thought back over his breakdown and Sasuke's reaction. How he'd fled the scene and how he knew everything. Naruto shoved his face up, willing the cold air to freeze the moisture in his eyes before it could fall. "You're pathetic Naruto. Pathetic."

 _'Better off dead.'_

He remembered that and leaned over the edge a little more, getting up on his toes so he could see. It was a long drop. He immediately shivered at the thought. He didn't know if it was bravado or cowardice but he wouldn't kill himself. Just the thought was so foreign and painful he had to shake his head to dispell it. Dying wouldn't solve anything. He'd never get closure if he was dead- he'd never make up for all the wrong he'd done and he'd never accomplish his dreams. If the others reacted bad, if it caused Sasuke to forgive him- none of that mattered. That was the thing about death, you don't get to know what happens after.

He was about to step down when a holler rang out, startling him. His hand slipped on the icy rail, his towel rubbed against the metal rail before catching and his stomach lurched and he started to bend too far forward. His hands were too numb to catch properly onto the rail and it served as a terrible pivot as he started to fall face first off the high ledge.

Now his life didn't pass before his eyes and the only thought he had wasn't of Sasuke or Sakura or the Akatsuki but 'I'm going to die naked'.

Until two strong hands grabbed his ankles, leaving him pivoting with his shins on the metal bar and bent over. Through the clear plexiglass and his dangling privates, he could see two legs but was forced to wait until he was yanked back to safety to see just who had bombarded into his house and saved him. When he did he immediately went for an accusation but was caught by two strong hands on his shoulders.

And Sasuke, dark hair unfashioned and clothes disheveled, practically screamed at him, "Don't kill yourself!"


End file.
